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This makes no sense

Sandy sat in her bubble seat, sucking on a sour fizz lolly pop and gazing dreamily at the life size cutout of Barack Obama in her room. She thought how exciting it was to have stolen the cardboard from that election convention months ago and she couldn't take her eyes off of his sweet dinosauric pearly whites, the smile larger than his face and eyes crinkled indicating genuine happiness. "Oh Barack..." The sound of Power of Love gushed out of her stereo "Don't need money, don't take fame, don't need no credit card to riiide this train." She pictured Marty McFly in Back To The Future tailing a pickup truck with his skateboard, and remembered the man in the cafe that always dreamed of being Mayor. Just like Obama. The likeness was uncanny. She wondered whether Back To The Future had taken elements of it's story from Barack Obama's life story by sending it's screenwriters forwards in time in the Delorian, but what about the Flux Capacitor? It must be real. Legend has it that Back to the Future didn't use props, everything that appears was fully functional and filmed in it's functioning state. She paused the replay of Back To The Future in her mind and turned her attention to the willy-wag-tail bird-things chirping away on her window sill. They barked their wild music, blowing Huey Lewis in the stereo to carbon. One of them bore a red mohawk like feather tinging over it's head and down its back, and it's brow sat furrowed while it's eyes moved over Sandy. It was like the head gremlin in .. Gremlins, the one with the white mohawk. Why was this bird thing here? Why was it looking at Sandy so? Were it's friends in league with the rogue sparrow, or were they security guiding this criminal flighted animal on a guided stroll outside the confines of it's natural prison; the ancient oak in the yard? Suddenly the red tinged wag tail squawked and lunged at her face with it's menacing doom beak. She decided it was the latter, that the hell-bird was a serial offender of violence, and screamed out "POLICIA!". But no one came. The bird fluttered around her hair, ruffling its feathers and huffing it's little chest in red-tinged rage. The birds beak wasn't strong enough to pull a leaf off of a tree, but it thought it was bad enough and Sandy was convinced. "POLICIAAAAA!!!" She ran for the draw in her desk and took out a pair of chop sticks, snapping them together like the wag-tail were a fly and she were the Karate Kid proving his worth to his sensei. She clicked them together repeatedly and nipped feathers that floated through up and around in the air like a burst goose-down pillow. The red tinged wagtail felt the tide was turning against it with the introduction of these menacing chop sticks and made a run for the window where it's armoured guards were seen fluttering up and down in mad confusion, not knowing what to do. The chirping frenzy blew the glass out of Sandy's bedroom window outwards and down towards the lawn where her father stood flabergasted at the proceedings, mouth gaping, shocked. He did not move as the glass rained down upon him, but he didn't need to. A giant flying tortoise sprang from the earth and shielded him from death by piercing, a grand smile upon it's darling ancient face and stubbly small elephant feet stretched outwards like jet burners. Sandy ran to her broken window and looked out. She looked at the tortoise, then looked at the red tinged wagtail and his escorts still on her sill. She smiled. And she said, "policia." The End

Why We Must Smack Our Kids

The following statement is not a convenient grab for attention and sensationalist, but: "TODAY'S KIDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL" Empirical studies (yet to be published) have shown that discipline in kids, according to the Child Discipline Index, has dropped a record low of 57.34 down from 114.54 the previous year. Clearly, discipline is at an all time high and I have evidence through an example, none of this 'science' mumbojumbo. An article from the Times Online: Mother’s sting catches son, Cory Ryder, ‘hiring hitman to kill her’ "Like many middle-class, suburban American parents, Shannan and Joey Troiano worried about their son’s behaviour and his bad grades at high school. And like many wayward teenagers, Cory Ryder was grounded for weeks at a time, had a PlayStation confiscated and was banned from watching TV." "Less typically, this 16-year-old was plotting to murder his parents by hiring a hitman, while his mother was organising a sting operation involving a police officer posing as a contract killer...." "Mrs Troiano remembers the night on June 2 when she discovered that the vague threats her son had made were serious. A woman Cory trusted, the mother of one of his friends, took him to a hotel room where he met an undercover police officer pretending to be a hitman...." "He walked out of lessons at Spring Ridge Middle School in Lexington Park, smashed a fire extinguisher case and then broke into the county fairgrounds, where he vandalised property. A judge sentenced him to supervised probation and his parents attended no less than 36 meetings with the authorities about him. But Cory dropped out of school and then, after stealing $45 (£22) from his sister’s piggy bank, had a fight with his mother, which led to him being kicked out of home. He has since told officials that he was upset about being thrown out of the house and that he felt pressured to talk to the man in the hotel. Cory insists that he never intended to have his parents killed and that he wanted to call the police that night in the hotel room. A judge has ruled that he should be tried in the juvenile system, which means that he cannot be held beyond his 21st birthday." Gone are the days when abused/oppressed children sought their retribution by patiently biding their time to sent their folks to a second-rate nursing home. In today's modern society with such gadgetry such as the toaster and mobile phone, children have become impatient and arrogant in their revenge-seeking skills. Is this representative of a greater trend that children today are extremely spoilt? I believe this is not the case and I boil it down to how kids are being educated. Is it not true that every human has the right to freedom? Education is a burden on today's child. The cement walled prison of education institutionalism traps the child's soul at the tender age of 5. It has been statistically proven that 95% of children do NOT want to learn at school. This type of attitude of learning has bred a type of rebel environment within the schools and has only gotten worse ever since schools were created in 1973. Now we have a global crisis of biblical proportions. Kids run rampant with the belief that they rule the streets. Discipline is at an all time low and everybody has got to accept the blame. Corporal punishment is the only solution to this epidemic. Parents and teachers unite, as the we hark back to the days of the belt whipping and cane smacking. Dont like calculus Billy? Then go to the principal's office to get the shit kicked out of you. Has our so-called "civil" society broken down to the point where a child thinks he has the right to hire a hitman to whack his mother? Violence must be met with violence, children must learn that you cannot threaten your parents with murder, blackmail or lawsuit. Billy should tremble with fear when Dad comes home ready for a fresh beating. It is with this call to arms I salute Oprah and her Leadership Academy. Which until now, was enforcing the old-fashioned values of totalitarian rule. There is no room for complacency when it comes to heavy handed policy based on generalisations and hearsay.