The hills are alive with the sound of balls

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Jasmine. She was a sweet child, Jasmine lived in a quaint little town in the Swedish alps. Oh how cold had been its last winter, but hurray for it was now summer! And what a beautiful summer it was! The bluest most clear skies in all the world, the grass the freshest most crispest green you ever saw, and flowers that scented the air just so finely. Twas such a lovely day this time during summer that Jasmine wanted to spend it in the oh so pretty countryside. "To sit on a rolling hill with the great snowy alps looking over you in the distance, is there anything more beautiful in all the world?" She said. "Yes dear" said her papa, who was standing by her side as she packed her picnic basket. "there is something more beautiful…" "what could possibly be more beautiful, oh what is it pa, tell me please!" "Do you really want to know?" He said, playing with his big grey beard. "More than anything in the world" After thinking for a moment, his primal urges got the better of him and he dropped his pants. " MA BALLS" he exclaimed. Jasmine’s jaw dropped and her eyes just about jumped out of her little head! "Wow!" was all that she could say. Her papa put his hands on his hips and nodded for some time in silence. "yeeep" he said finally, closing his eyes gently with a funny little smile on his face. Just then the door opened and in came mama! She had baskets full of eggs and vegetables in either hand and when she saw papa with his pants down standing over Jasmine she could not believe it! She dropped the baskets right there and the eggs smashed everywhere, and apples and potatoes rolled around all over the floor. Oh gosh what a mess! But forget the dairy products and other goods, Mama was pissed! "KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS, BORIS WHAT IN THE NAME OF WILLIAM T WALLACE IS GOING ON HERE YOU SICK FUCK." She said quietly. "Dear, lower your voice. It’s not how it looks." He said while pulling up his pantaloons. And then Jasmine started crying! Would this be the end of this beautiful day for our simple townsfolk? Did the blue skies darken at the unbuckling of the pant? Maybe for a moment, but there is a happy ending to this darling tale. Mama ran out of the house and summoned the town guard who came and bashed Papa within an inch of his life. They shackled his arms and legs in heavy chains and took him to the infamous prison camp Tampfden where he remained for the rest of his days. The Tampfden guards ensured that he remained bloodied and broken every day of the week for years and years! Jasmine did go for her picnic in the lush green countryside that day, she saw rabbits and walruses and meer cats and all types of forest animals that you wouldn’t usually see in the Swedish Alps. Some might say these creatures she saw were hallucinations and that this experience was the beginning of a downward spiral for Jasmine, but all that really matters is that she was happy at the time. Later Mama hooked up with Gary the village idiot and Jasmine grew up to cultivate poppy plants and harvest opium from them which she exported far and wide until she died of a heroin overdose. So to a degree, they lived happily ever after. The end.