Asian-tastic

I am Asian. This is something you must know before I start to rant. I come from the Philippines, YES IT IS ASIAN. But the Philippines differs from the rest of its neighbours, it's not as Asian. We are 90% Catholic and are heavily, and I mean heavily, influenced by the Spaniards and Americans. Anybody that have seen any pictures or ever been to the Philippines would notice it. Let me retell a story that some may know already or some that ma not know. I used to be in aquaintance with an aboulute dickhead called Aaron Parker. This boy called Parker is a total knob-head, real uppish bloke he was. Thought he was top shit because everything in his house was either black or white and depsite the fact his Dad was an architect, the house they lived in was modest to say the least. This family was totally weird. This year, whilst I was snacking on a Subway in Subway Mitcham I noticed that Aaron's father walks in and orders a freakin' Subway with just: LETTUCE AND TOMATO SAUCE! WHAT KIND OF FREAKIN LUNATIC WOULD BUY A FOOTLONG (NOT ONE OF THOSE PUNY 6-INCH) $800 SUBWAY JUST TO EAT TOMATO FLAVOURED LETTUCE ON A BUN. Needless to say, this family, espcially Aaron, are weird. This boy needs some meat in his package yo. Anyway, back in Year 8 I was aquainted with him. He invited me over to his place. His house is nothing but swine only fit for the knobhead. He has Male Vogue stashed under his bead. The only normal one in th family is ihs brother , who plays with Lego and likes a game of basketball or two. BUT NOT AARON, he likes to freakin' masturbate over his lettuce Subway and the such. We proceed to eat dinner. Spahgetti Bolognese. The whole family is present. Aaron asks: "Juan, what kind of car does your Mum drive?" "A Ford Mondeo 1999 model (the year this story is set is the year 2000)" "Oh.......I see *tone of sarcasm and disgust*" Curious, I ask "What kind of car do YOU have?" "A SAAB, much better than those other American and Asian cars" *WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM KIDDO?* I thought to myself Again, curiously I ask "errr....you mean Nissan and the such?" "Yes yes, all those kinds of companies, esides they are all owned by Americans now, Asians are a spent force, no more relevant to todays world" Does this sound unbelievable? I am quoting his exact words. For this conversation on this table had been stuck in my head for all these years. Anyway, after this and another few interrogating questions suh as "What brand of TV do you have?" He seems to come to the conclusion that Grundig and SAAB are the best brands in the whole wide world and that Asians are crap. I twirl my Spaghetti with my fork. The whole family looks at me weirdly. The mother loos at me and says: "Juan...?" "yes?" "Would you like some chopsticks with that?" *sigh* what a bunch of pretentious and uppish assholes. Chopsticks...'cause you know, apparently every Asian has to know everything there is about them. Here's some basic information I found on the net Some of the most important chopstick rules are: Hold your chopsticks towards their end, and not in the middle or the front third. When you are not using your chopsticks and when you are finished eating, lay them down in front of you with the tip to left. Do not stick chopsticks into your food, especially not into rice. Only at funerals are chopsticks stuck into the rice that is put onto the altar. Do not pass food with your chopsticks directly to somebody else's chopsticks. Only at funerals are the bones of the cremated body given in that way from person to person. Do not spear food with your chopsticks. Do not point with your chopsticks to something or somebody. Do not move your chopsticks around in the air too much, nor play with them. Do not move around plates or bowls with chopsticks. To separate a piece of food into two pieces, exert controlled pressure on the chopsticks while moving them apart from each other. This needs much exercise. If you have already used your chopsticks, use the opposite end of your chopsticks in order to move food from a shared plate to your own plate. I'm Juan Paolo and I'm an Asian. Related links Chopstick manners Wikipedia article about chopsticks KKK, Aaron's favourite organisation