MEXICANS

Inflation, interest rates, GDP, the Balance of Payments - THE ECONOMY. The global economy, as a whole, it isn’t that flash. Why? Because of global warming, those poor Eskimos had the worst ice harvest in history last year. Think of the Eskimos! My friends, when you read that there will be an ice shortage in the next few years, you all know who is to blame. Bill Clinton, that damn Communist. Why does he keep insisting that he doesn’t control the weather? I know what’s going down, I know why Iraq was really invaded. Iraq wasn’t about WMD’s or oil, it was about the weather (and those poor Eskimos) because we all know when the world turns into a frying pan Iraq is going to be the place to be when it all turns ape shit. Keep on rocking Vietnam, that’s where the free world is, baby. Vietnam is the worlds leading cowbell manufacturer, we all know that leads to greatness. So now we got Eskimos losing ice and the Vietnamese exploring the studio space through cowbell, where does this leave the rest of the world? It will be eaten up by Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh. Not convinced? Just look in your septic tanks, IT’S ALL COVERED IN SHIT. I love lasagna. So if Bill Clinton controls the weather, who controls time? I have the answer to that as well, Pamela Anderson. Her ‘assets’ so large that gravity begins to collapse like a black hole. It is there that her hidden time machine lies. We need to save those Eskimos, get those Vietnamese to play some cowbell so that Clinton and Anderson will heed the call to go back in time and change the weather. I need more ice godammit. Inflation? Simple, that’s because the porno industry has never been better. Men getting ‘happy’ off videotaped gobblygook raise the inflation rate TENFOLD. That and the fact that I can’t find the perfect pair of underpants. WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO? Why can’t I find underpants? It’s because those damn Mexicans can’t spiel enough cotton, those damn slackers. They are too busy smacking piñatas and making enchiladas to notice that I don’t give a crap about a damn taco. Seen John Howard recently? I have, he needs a bra. He should talk to a Mexican about it. Join a cult, it’s good for you. Group suicide is the latest trend to hit Hollywood. Join the band-wagon. That seems to be the new buzzphrase. I’m joining the bandwagon by joining the bandwagon that joins all bandwagons that bandwagons join. That requires a lot of wood. WHICH IS WHY THE AMAZON RAINFOREST IS DISAPPEARING. AHHH! Why try to be different when you can be part of the crowd? I like crowds, you get in there and fart and you’re all like “IT AINT ME! IT WAS THAT DAMN MEXICAN! NOW SPIEL ME SOME COTTON BIZNATCH!” Are you conservative? I’m conservative, I’m a Communist as well. Makes sense, you know it does. I make conspiracies because I KNOW THEY ARE TRUE. Poor people, PAH, poor schmoor, get a job. People are poor because they don’t try hard enough. Same with people that get into car accidents. Don’t want to get into a car accident? DON’T DRIVE. Fuck, I walk 80000kms to work so I don’t have to deal with problems such as parking and accidents. YEAH, I AM A STRONG MAN! SCOTT JERGENSEN! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO MURDER YOU! I care about the hungry! (I’m hungry right now) I watched Live 8 y’know! I even bought the DVD set and sponsored a Cambodian child who I nicknamed ChinkGookNiggerWog. Why don’t I get some perspective you say? Maybe I do, but I will tell you someone that really needs to get some perspective. GEORGE W BUSH! WOO! OH YEAH! ROCK ON! POWER TO THE PEOPLE, MAN! Bandwagon Bandwagon Bandwagon Bandwagon Over here it’s Friendster Friendster Friendster. “I know 17 people that know 200 people that know 400 people!” Awesome, maybe you can find your REAL parents, biatch. HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN. Potentially this could be another disjointed rant. Another closer inspection might reveal more. Take this paragraph for example. (STEAL MY FRIGGIN BEER AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU) K. Maybe you can see the message in here? Ultimately, everything has a hidden message. Stupid language, don’t underestimate the power of a word! Tiddlywinks. Dumb computers. I want a nice hot plate of lasagna. End of rant. (Ahhh, that felt better, another successful brain fart)