Nepabunna, the real story

Part of the criteria for my High School Diploma (IB) I was studying for, part of the requirments was that all IB students had to go to a Aboriginal community called Nepabunna. We had heard all sorts of stories from that place, but it generally sounded fun....at the time. This is a story of my trip to Nepabunna: 2003 On the way there, one of my teachers, Mr. Gaynor was telling the busload full of students about the Coulthard family. This family was THE family in the settlement. Because there was no police for kilometeres the family were the enforcers of law and order unto the town. According to Mr. Gaynor, this family is tough as nails, in 2002 an IB student was playing chess in the communal hall and the Coulthard family took racial offense to that and totally bashed his ass up, 12 Coulthards to 1 IB student. We were 60kms out from the settlement until we heard small arms fire. The bus ahead of me slowed down, only to be destroyed by RPG fire. All the students on my bus quickly got the hell out of there and ran for our lives. Our school would later tell us that it was an Al-Qaeda terror cell operating in the area and mistook us for a U.S. convoy. Shocked, we had to press on to our objective. We climbed mountains and ate kangaroos for breakfast. After a days walk we arrived at Nepabunna. We managed to settle in two little cabins, one for boys and one for girls. There we were able to regoup and gather our thoughts on the events that had passed. And of course, PARTY. But this period of peace did not last long, for I was to run into some members of the Coulthard family. The lead man, whose name was Tyrone, or Mr. T told me "You stole my land, you stole my water, you stole my daughter....APOLOGISE" I had no idea what Mr. T was on about so I said "Sorry Nigger, but I don't speak jive". Bad move. In a furious fit of rage, Mr. T exclaimed "YOU WILL DIE CHINK, YOU WILL DIE WITHIN 24 HOURS". As I went to retire for the night, I was given a warning. My bed was DESTROYED. I knew I had to get the hell outta dodge and leave this place. The whole IB platoon had to get out. We all knew it, our dorms were increasingly under attack by insurgents and casualities were increasing. Those damn Muslim Coulthards were throwing a Jihad all over our asses. So I did what I knew best....I made a rocket couch. A couch that was so damn impressive that James Bond would be jealous. I was to name the couch the Rick James, and had an arsenal of three anti-tank shells, depleted uranium 120mm shells and three mortars. With my warcry "I'M RICK JAMES, BITCH" needless to say, the Coulthards were no more. After "liberating" one of the Coulthard's Datsuns, the IB platoon made its long haul back to Mercedes. Only for our story to be classified and a press friendly version made to get more enrollments. Don't be fooled, I've been there. I've been there and have been lucky enough to come back. Others wont be.... How many people you know can make rocket couches? True Story.