One Step, Fucknut

Whilst browsing pirated CDs in a shopping mall last week I came across some programs I’ve been fascinated with. One of which was Macromedia Flash Professional 8. “Wow” I thought to myself “I would really love to do a flash movie”. So I bought it, along with Adobe Photoshop CS2. So I got all excited, quickly rushed to the Laptop and installed Flash 8. “YES! Now I can make cool movies and other cool shit.” One little problem, I didn’t know how to use the piece of shit. The whole thing looked daunting! So many controls! So many features…WHERE DO I BEGIN? Photoshop CS2 was ok, I use Photoshop 7 all the time, and so the transition was minimal. I knew where everything was and what it does. But Flash, wow, that was a whole new animal. Everything is different. There were some principles that I knew, such as layering and keyframes. But everything else was a bit of a blur. In disappointment, I decided to leave it. It was all too much, I thought. I didn’t look at the program until recently. I took baby steps, learning what each thing does. I started from the very basics, even learning how to drag and drop. I was re-learning what I already knew and was expanding. Last night, I made a simple menu, then a ball moving along the screen. Maybe today I’ll expand on that. Now it’s all getting together, my vision was coming to fruition. One step at a time, that’s all it takes. Sometimes it’s better to ignore the grand picture and just get down to doing it step by step rather than looking at the wallop. Now yes, there are going to be some people that are going to say: “Well, there’s a simple solution…DON’T USE A COMPUTER. I use a typewriter to write 10,000 words essays to UNICEF to help feed the poor and hungry. This is another example of modern consumerism taking over…blah blah blah” ThankYOU fucknuts. The fact of doing things step by step is something ignored by me. I always looked at the bigger vision, but never did anything about it. So it’s only been recently when I actually DO my objectives. In turn, my grand visions have become smaller, more realistic. But when I complete those small realistic goals, they are really fulfilling and it sets me up to do more. So I actually do large goals by doing small goals and I do small goals by completing small objectives, so on and so forth. Just a random thought. Brain farting as usual. Ok, Mormon time is over. Now… I was watching the news last night and there was a report on a man being mugged. I felt sorry for that guy; it’s a serious problem around these parts. I’ve heard stories of people’s earrings get ripped off straight from their ears by muggers. I’ve had two cousins that were mugged by knifepoint. The thieves here, especially in highly concentrated areas, are organized. Once someone steals a wallet, phone, jewelry etc. etc. they will immediately pass it on to someone else, then another, then another. It’s an intricate system. Hang on; a certain someone is saying something. “Well, those people DESERVE to get mugged. The solution is simple, don’t wear any clothes, jewelry, don’t bring any pocket money, don’t have a cell phone and by all means DON’T GO OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE! I’ve been living inside a bubble for 15 years.” Words of wisdom. Was there any point to those last two paragraphs…NO. Bye Bye.

MEXICANS

Inflation, interest rates, GDP, the Balance of Payments - THE ECONOMY. The global economy, as a whole, it isn’t that flash. Why? Because of global warming, those poor Eskimos had the worst ice harvest in history last year. Think of the Eskimos! My friends, when you read that there will be an ice shortage in the next few years, you all know who is to blame. Bill Clinton, that damn Communist. Why does he keep insisting that he doesn’t control the weather? I know what’s going down, I know why Iraq was really invaded. Iraq wasn’t about WMD’s or oil, it was about the weather (and those poor Eskimos) because we all know when the world turns into a frying pan Iraq is going to be the place to be when it all turns ape shit. Keep on rocking Vietnam, that’s where the free world is, baby. Vietnam is the worlds leading cowbell manufacturer, we all know that leads to greatness. So now we got Eskimos losing ice and the Vietnamese exploring the studio space through cowbell, where does this leave the rest of the world? It will be eaten up by Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh. Not convinced? Just look in your septic tanks, IT’S ALL COVERED IN SHIT. I love lasagna. So if Bill Clinton controls the weather, who controls time? I have the answer to that as well, Pamela Anderson. Her ‘assets’ so large that gravity begins to collapse like a black hole. It is there that her hidden time machine lies. We need to save those Eskimos, get those Vietnamese to play some cowbell so that Clinton and Anderson will heed the call to go back in time and change the weather. I need more ice godammit. Inflation? Simple, that’s because the porno industry has never been better. Men getting ‘happy’ off videotaped gobblygook raise the inflation rate TENFOLD. That and the fact that I can’t find the perfect pair of underpants. WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO? Why can’t I find underpants? It’s because those damn Mexicans can’t spiel enough cotton, those damn slackers. They are too busy smacking piñatas and making enchiladas to notice that I don’t give a crap about a damn taco. Seen John Howard recently? I have, he needs a bra. He should talk to a Mexican about it. Join a cult, it’s good for you. Group suicide is the latest trend to hit Hollywood. Join the band-wagon. That seems to be the new buzzphrase. I’m joining the bandwagon by joining the bandwagon that joins all bandwagons that bandwagons join. That requires a lot of wood. WHICH IS WHY THE AMAZON RAINFOREST IS DISAPPEARING. AHHH! Why try to be different when you can be part of the crowd? I like crowds, you get in there and fart and you’re all like “IT AINT ME! IT WAS THAT DAMN MEXICAN! NOW SPIEL ME SOME COTTON BIZNATCH!” Are you conservative? I’m conservative, I’m a Communist as well. Makes sense, you know it does. I make conspiracies because I KNOW THEY ARE TRUE. Poor people, PAH, poor schmoor, get a job. People are poor because they don’t try hard enough. Same with people that get into car accidents. Don’t want to get into a car accident? DON’T DRIVE. Fuck, I walk 80000kms to work so I don’t have to deal with problems such as parking and accidents. YEAH, I AM A STRONG MAN! SCOTT JERGENSEN! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO MURDER YOU! I care about the hungry! (I’m hungry right now) I watched Live 8 y’know! I even bought the DVD set and sponsored a Cambodian child who I nicknamed ChinkGookNiggerWog. Why don’t I get some perspective you say? Maybe I do, but I will tell you someone that really needs to get some perspective. GEORGE W BUSH! WOO! OH YEAH! ROCK ON! POWER TO THE PEOPLE, MAN! Bandwagon Bandwagon Bandwagon Bandwagon Over here it’s Friendster Friendster Friendster. “I know 17 people that know 200 people that know 400 people!” Awesome, maybe you can find your REAL parents, biatch. HERE COMES THE PAIN TRAIN. Potentially this could be another disjointed rant. Another closer inspection might reveal more. Take this paragraph for example. (STEAL MY FRIGGIN BEER AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU) K. Maybe you can see the message in here? Ultimately, everything has a hidden message. Stupid language, don’t underestimate the power of a word! Tiddlywinks. Dumb computers. I want a nice hot plate of lasagna. End of rant. (Ahhh, that felt better, another successful brain fart)

Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders

“How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.” I’ve been thinking about this movie. So if you’ve seen it, read ahead. I am a huge fan of the writer Charlie Kaufman, who also wrote Being John Malkovich and Adaptation. He is awesome. One of these days I am going to write him a perfume scented letter, written in perfect cursive on quality CV paper, telling him my inner most secrets and feelings in the hope that he writes them into a disturbing and abstract script called “Procrastination.”. But about Eternal Sunshine... it is easy to get lost in it. The first time I saw it I had absolutely no idea what was going on, one moment Joel is laying on the ice with his new girl Clementine, the next he is driving alongside her screaming “I’M ERASING YOU AND I’M HAPPY, YOU DID IT TO ME FIRST.” It took a while for me to realise that these scenes were actually his memories, the ones being erased. The cue to realise this is the implicative dialogue and the fact that there are cars dropping from the sky, houses falling apart, and faces literally blurred because he can’t remember the details. Fantastic stuff. Anyway after seeing it a couple of times now, I think I have it partially worked out. I’d say a major concept of the story is that it is possibly an inevitability that we meet and have relationships with certain people. Despite the whole concept of ‘chance meeting’ there is still the complex issue of where, when, why and how it is that people meet. We may forget things, but we will still be the same people with the same wants and needs. Early in the film (but late in the timeline of his memory) they both meet on the train, and despite all their evident differences they seem drawn to each other. And then there’s the matter of why they are both on that train, and keep running into each other in different places and glance in silence, such as at the beach and in the cafeteria. Remember the scene where they are in the memory of the house falling apart? Clementine whispers to him “meet me at Montauk” (the beach), perhaps an obvious reason for why they both come to the beach and unknowingly see each other the day after Joel has had this very memory erased. He is waiting for his train for work, like any other day, and just happens to change his mind and jump on the train to the particular beach where he first met Clementine; this would have to be coincidence since his memory of this place was erased. When he arrives at the beach he thinks “why on earth did I come here, it’s the middle of winter” and he is seen looking out to sea with a woman standing in the distance doing the same. This is clearly Clementine. Then he sees her again in the cafeteria and writes in his journal “why do I fall in love with every girl that shows me the slightest bit of attention”. This is all the day after Joel has had his memory of her erased. For some reason when I think about the film I always remember the very last shot, of Joel and Clementine running on the beach, and the shot is skipping or repeating it self. The idea that this will in reality occur many, many times, as they repeatedly and painfully erase each other from memory and ultimately meet again soon after, is kind of evident. And so, Kaufman’s point to all this is realised: Forgetting the past only allows it to repeat itself. I thought I had realised something profound when I started writing this but it’s occurring to me that it is probably all profoundly obvious. DammIT. Anyway, brilliant movie. Kaufman is the man. Mmmmmmmmmm Burger-Time.