Death

Whilst awakening from my deep slumber I thought to myself “Tacos would make an excellent breakfast meal”. This (in 30 minutes time after the thought) became a reality. I had a grand TACO. A Taco to beat all other tacos in the world, in my eagerness to eat, I ate the taco in one big bite. I then proceeded to choke on my gorgeous Taco. In that very instant, I had a Near Death Experience. IT IS TRUE! A Near Death Experience, or as the experts like to call it…an NDE. That Taco Malfunction made me ponder. What will happen when I die? Is it going to be painful? I don’t want to die choking on a Taco. What lies for me in the Afterlife? Has all those Rosaries and gulping all the holy water really paid off? Let me show you my NDE, it was the gateway to the afterlife. As I choked not only on the Taco but my own vomit. I saw a tunnel of light, a great beam of cascading light that seduced my metaphysical being to delve even deeper into the NETHER REGION. As I reached even deeper I saw a silhouette of a man wearing a big, BIG hat. At first I thought it was Jesus, but I remembered I’m Mormon, it more or less looked like a bag of money…OR WAS IT? NAY! It was a MEXICAN, it was a poncho wearing, cotton harvesting, border crossing, taco inventing, sombrero molesting MEXICAN. “Hola” said the ethereal being “¿Me choke…taco, comprende?” I replied “Hola, viva Old El Paso” he said with great vigour But before I could even say “¿QUE?” I was transported back into my kitchen, back into reality. Death, Death and the afterlife. We have all thought about it, don’t deny it. All those who eat Mexican on a regular basis surely must face it more than the average person. With all the Religions giving their pitch on the best bargain they can give us for Salvation, I went to the one place I knew I can get answers from… 1800 677 774 The Hotline to Old El Paso After being ridiculed on the phone after my LEGITIMATE enquiry, it left me on my own to discover which Religion gives me the best deal for my accommodation when I’m dead. I guess the best thing to your very last holiday is that the airfare is pretty much taken care of, you just have to worry about which hotel you have to stay. According to Osama bin Laden, Hotel Heaven is a Brothel. Most Christians think the Hotel is going to be a classy 5 star hotel with Bingo 24 hours a day. But my NDE has taught me that my Mexican Hombre was on to something. I needed to make sure that there will be Tacos in Heaven. If they don’t serve Tacos on the menu in Hotel Heaven then I will be very pissed that I’m dead. I googled “Tacos in Heaven” and came across a philosopher that goes by the name of “Eternal Destroyer” on a philosophy forum. “Eternal Destroyer” had this to say about Tacos in Heaven: “If the rain is god crying, what the hell are the northern lights? I didn't know they had tacos in heaven” True words of a genius. But I know it’s a one way trip to Hotel Heaven, and they are serving Tacos. But who offers the cheapest price? Most Religions will ask you to go to a weekly mass at the nearest Temple. But economically speaking, is that the cheapest Religion you can find? Richard Branson has recently launched Virgin Theology. That’s right, good ol’ Virgin is sticking it up to the big guys with his new low cost Religion, No-Frills! Red Cordial instead of wine, ice cream cones for Eucharist and Psychology students for priests! PriceAttack is moving into the new market with ChristAttack, coming to the nearest Westfield Shopping Center near you! SOLD I’m reserving my ticket, so where the bloody hell are YOU? What I learned from my Near Death Experience is that: The Big Mexican Dude Lord works for Old El Paso and yes, there will be Tacos up there. Whatever you seek in Heaven, it will be found regardless of what Religion you follow. Links Philosophy Forum (Featuring "Eternal Destroyer") Old El Paso, please email them and tell them that you KNOW what's really going on