Put Your Hand Up and DIE

Common sense is becoming a valuable commodity in today’s society. I should know, I’m studying Economics. Let me cite an example from a lecture I was attending today. It was an Accounting lecture in Flentje Lecture Theatre (Adelaide Uni). The poor lecturer, who is a temporary (for 3 weeks), was given slides that are one year old. Unfortunately for her, all the students have the latest revision. For most other subjects, this wouldn’t be a problem but in this topic there are a lot of examples used mainly from Financial Statements from various companies for the 2005 financial year. Because the lecturer has got last years slides, she had for the 2004 financial year. The examples are both taken from the same company; therefore they have the same layout, only different figures. We use the Statements so we have figures to plug into various equations…here is the burning question to those DUMBASSES who kept putting their hand up like the little shits going: “You have old notes!” “My example is different to yours…what should we do?” FUCKING IMBECILES! DO THE EQUATIONS CHANGE? DOES THE ACCOUNTING STANDARDS CHANGE JUST FOR YOU? DIDN’T YOU FUCKING LEARN COMMON SENSE IN HIGH SCHOOL? John Howard has pushed for Australian History to take a more dominant role in Australian Schools. When I become Dictator, I will make Common Sense a compulsory subject in High Schools. I will combine it with Physical Education (more specifically, Rugby), so those who fail to see the light will be rucked and mauled into line. This is a problem commonly attributed to Derwent Girls (see Cait’s Post for a clearer definition). In the struggle to be perfect in everything they do, they inadvertently become the dumbest bitches on Earth. This begs the question as to why they are at Uni. Do not worry my friends, as I have a theory to that too! Sexual-favours. *wink wink* To further compound on my frustrations was these three football players sitting next to me (not by choice) who talked for the whole goddamn lecture! AHHHHHHHH! They could’ve left if they wanted too! They weren’t paying attention, they didn’t even know which slide they were on and were often two or three pages behind on their handouts! This lasted for the whole 2 hours. WHY STAY, FUCKERS? Then this guy walks in 20 minutes late for the lecture and walks past, the back of his t-shirt saying “Pizza of Death”. One football guy laughs at him, ironically the football guy was wearing a pink shirt with some shit saying on it (much similar to photo below). Nice call FASHION GURU. There are some people that should learn common sense as it may one day save their lives. For example, if their house is on fire they should learn that the house will soon be burned to a crisp and attempt to escape rather than ask their mommy what they should do. “Is this going to be in our test?”

War

I am in a passionate mood. More and more frequently when we turn on the TV to watch the news we see footage of blood, death and war. Take the highly media vamped conflict between Hezbollah and Israel. The media hasn’t been this hyped up since a woman found the impression of the Lord Jesus Christ on a piece of toast. Media coverage is all good, but what about bias? I don’t watch the claptrap of CNN, Fox or MSNBC. Nay, I refer to the real news network where it all happens, the al-Chaffa network. Al-Chaffa opened my eyes to what the real cost of war was to the Lebanese and Israelis. Many media sources detail the tragic human casualties. But do the mainstream media pick up on other losses? Do they pick of on the slaughter of thousands of living, breathing creatures? I think not. Most people did not hear of the massacre of thousands of cattle in Beirut when Israeli jets bombed the holding pens of a local abattoir. Cattle or terrorists….you decide. Ohh the humanity! Tragedy, misery, anguish and anger are just some emotions that local Sand Cultivator Aziz Khalid has experienced for the past couple of months. According to al-Chaffa news story Aziz has lost a whole years worth of crop due to the latest hostilities in this war-torn country. Prices of Sweet Crude Sand has increased tenfold to a world record all time high of US$3000 a barrel. According to George Anderson of Standard & Poor’s “If trends continue, only the richest families in Dubai will be able to afford Sand”. Khalid's Crops before the bombing If there is one good story to come from this war it is this news article I stumbled upon Breast implants save woman's life? Aug 15, 7:43 AM (ET) JERUSALEM (Reuters) - An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hizbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group, a hospital spokesman said Tuesday. Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24-year-old's heart. "She was saved from death," said a spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel. The woman has been released from hospital. Silicon is the new Kevlar. Why can't we all get along? It's because of the politics. People want power! It's all cock and no balls. What the world needs is a strong and benevolent dictator that can give the people the leadership they need. Bulletproof silicon breasts would be made madatory, cheap sand for all and cattle will be treated better than Hippies. Surely we have learned our lessons from previous wars! I blame this war on Castro, who will recieve a very very angry letter from me.