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A stoner talking about weed is like a morbidly obese person talking about their favourite jam filled donut with the pink icing and sprinkles. Smoke your doobie and move on. It isn't taboo, it isn't profound. It's reverse-caffeine with a dash of nice. Eat your jam donut and move on, premeditating it's consumption serves only to increase wanting and leads to prolonged and painful death by desire. Heed and feel the ...

Cricket Sledging

As anyone who knows me quite well will tell you, I am undoubtadly one of the biggest cricketing tragics you'll meet. I mean if I keep living at home till I'm 30 and start growing really thick eyelashes, who knows, maybe one day I'll be able to rip off a show that is really great but takes the piss out of me. Anyway, one of my favourite things in the sport of cricket is sledging. It makes the game. So I thought I'd use this first blog at the Casbah to show some of these fine examples of sportsmanship. You'll notice Merv Hughes features alot in this. 1. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During the 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed. "Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman. 2. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off." 3. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During the 1989 Lords Test, Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't fucking bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary:"Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl." 4. Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes: After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler enquired, "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?" "Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied. 5. Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock: After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. "You know what it looks like, now go find it," Ponting replied. 6. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted. This may have been where Shane's impetus to take diuretics came from. 7. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" "Wife's fine, kids are retarded", was Botham's reply. 8. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt." Anyway kids, get out there and enjoy your cricket. And don't forget after reading these wonderful examples of sportsmanship, to show your opposition the same respect.

Puff Puff Puff Away

What do Ashley Olsen and Leonardo DiCaprio have in commmon? Apart from being cool? They smoke. So we have two facts: They both smoke They are both cool Now that's hot AND sexy So let's summarise our findings and conclude that smoking makes you cool and rich. I believe smoking makes you popular, rich and cool. Why do you think so many people smoke? Sure the addictive nicotine might have to do with it, but it's got to do with success. Success like you've never seen before. William Shatner smokes. Let's face it, smoking makes you a better person. Once you start smoking I gurantee your wildest dreams will come true. This is no exaggeration. You may be asking if I smoke. I don't, but that's because I'm a loser. People that smoke may not explicitly say that smoking is for winners, but it's what they think deep down inside. Non-smokers are NOT cool, we simply aren't that hip. Guess what? This guy doesn't smoke Dustin Diamond smokes (yes he's sexy, he made his own porno, how can he NOT). But don't take my word for it. Many popular US Presidents smoked. These included Teddy Roosevelt, Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton...and John F. Kennedy (who insisted on Cuban cigars...yes, the IRONY). Are you starting to see the trend here? Smoking makes you smart and alert. This is why many racing drivers smoke. George W. Bush doesn't smoke, what does that say about non-smokers huh? Albert Einstein smoked (probably). Smoking MAY make you sick. Cancer and the such, quite annoying. But that doesn't stop smokers, because they are SMART, they understand that in the long run it doesn't matter. People love giving pity and nothing is sexier than trying to pickup ladies on your deathbed. Set your life support machines to "sexy" and let tobacco do the lovemaking. David Hasselhoff smokes. Let's look at the other side of the debate. Anti-smoking organisations and lobby groups. ARE THEY COOL? Are they living the high life in limos and private jets? NO! Of course not, they are mostly volunteer groups that run on teeny weeny budgets that would be one eigth of a tobacco company's CEO salary for the year. So it's the Marlboro Man versus Patrick Reynolds (anti-smoking spokesperson). 'Nuff said. vs. The tobacco industry creates jobs, it is good for tobacco farmers and for the healthcare industry. Rising costs, schmising costs. Big business makes big sense, big sense means big COOL. So kids take a look at the anti-smoking campaign ads, take a good hard look. Are THEY cool? Then look around the corner to see that street bum smoking....now THAT'S cool. I offer an alternative solution for those that want to look cool without getting sick (although I don't know why, as it is one of the benefits of smoking...idiot). Justin and I are marketing a new brand in smoking that has taken the world by storm. Look Cool Without Getting Sick, coming to a store near you.

It's a Long Way to the Top

Now that exams are wrapping up/over (or never had any to begin with) , free time will increase and so will the thumb twiddling, the twiddling of deciding what to do now that you ain't got assignments. Sure you can play sports, watch movies or go out with friends (LIKE A LOSER). OR you can be the BEST at something that not alot of people pay attention too. You could be the BEST at something only have a few thousand professionals around the world. You could be the BEST.... At Rock Paper Scissors (RPS). With the 2006 World Championships over, NOW is the time to train up for next year's tournament. Gladiators, Boxers and Ninjas ain't got squat compared to a pro RPS player. To play RPS requires athleticism, mental composure and most importantly, the will to WIN. Pro RPS Athletes...all game baby Friends, I direct you to the RPS Society, organisers of world events and symposiums. A place where you can read about various strategies. Oh yes, there's strategies... Train with your friends, train with your pets, train with yourself. There's plenty of RPS to be played if you want to reach the top. This is not a game of chance, this is a game of psychology. Where each throw means something, according to a RPS Society article: "Equal but Not Equal On the surface, RPS appears to be a game of chance. After all, according to the rules, each throw is equal, right? Each defeats one other throw and loses to one other throw. Perhaps to a computer the throws actually are equal. To the human mind, that is seldom the case. Whether because of associations with the symbols or the hand positions that represent them, players perceive the three throws to have distinct characteristics. These vary from player to player, but generally fall into some common patterns." According to this article, men tend to throw Rock first. This is because it is a symbol of strength, of brute force. MANLY MEN throw rock. It's the throw that's used by the most aggressive players and is seen as a "breakthrough" throw. The article also mentions scissors' psychological meaning.... "...Scissors are a tool...Scissors are associated with industry, craft work, making things. There is still a certain amount of aggression associated with scissors; they are, after all, sharp and dangerous implements. Scissors, however, represent aggression that is controlled, contained, re-channeled into something constructive. In RPS, scissors are often perceived as a clever or crafty throw, a well-planned outflanking maneuver. As such, players are more likely to use scissors when they are confident or winning." And the last throw is seen by this article as the most subtle throw. A throw that's peaceful, calm and serene. Like a sign of friendship. There are plenty of strategies and tips in the article, and for an aspiring pros (like me) it is an invaluable resource. Try playing a souped up version of RPS! (click for full version) Sponge or THE BALL GRAPPLER!? But is this just making a simple game more complicated? Of course! But it's what makes it more complicated that's what makes it simple! So come on! It's the holidays....be the BEST at something apart from World Of Warcraft. Get some REAL skills. RPS will give you the confidence that you need to get ahead in life, with results such as: Improved social skills Higher wages Positive Externalities End to World Hunger Find some REAL skills! All you need to do is do some quick searches on the internet to find out what unique skill interests you the most. I am learning tips and strategies for these competition sports at the moment (just on the side, RPS is going to be my number one sport): Knots and crosses (Tic Tac Toe) A game I should study more as it relates to Economics. Von Neumanns Minimax can be applied to this game, therefore it's an economists dream game (a particularly good example of Game Theory). Air Guitar Why Play real guitar when you can play Hendrix style in an instant? Cup Stacking I saw a clip of a girl breaking the world record at stacking, and inspired me to try my hand at cup stacking. With hand eye coordination like that, who needs a fulltime job? So in the near future if you get bored, just think to yourself...DO YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST!?!? I am up for friendly challenge matches, I'll be training hard perfecting my RPS skills. Then next year we march to the world championships! I leave you with another excerpt from the RPS Society's Advanced Strategy Guide "Haven't a clue what to throw next? Then go with Paper. Why? Statistically, in competition play, it has been observed that scissors is thrown the least often. Specifically, it gets delivered 29.6% of the time, so it slightly under-indexes against the expected average of 33.33% by 3.73%. Obviously, knowing this only gives you a slight advantage, but in a situation where you just don't know what to do, even a slight edge is better than none at all."